She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
