my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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