it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
