i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
