Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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