i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
