Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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