There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
