I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
