That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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