There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize