If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize