There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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