wat bout pragnant strippers??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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