Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
