I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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