How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
