She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
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i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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