the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
