Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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