If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
