im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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