I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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