So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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