and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I want a musical about memes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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