Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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