Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
