I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
