"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
