Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
