I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
