I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize