Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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