Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
