girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
