just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
