Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize