i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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