Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
