i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
