Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
