I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
