Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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