About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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