I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
