hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize