is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
