I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Another day, another engagement, another cat
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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