my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
