THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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