Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
