Your face is a jimmy john
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
