Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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