420 ftw
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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