Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
where does the pee come out of this thing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
