wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
