If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
