I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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