I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
