is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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