is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
