But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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