ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ketchup is God's man juice
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
