new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
