so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
