dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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