Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
