Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
