I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
