I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
